“…communication is not always verbal.  Situational awareness is a crucial aspect to consider when working in a team.”

Not only is it feasible to demonstrate professionalism while also bringing your genuine self to work, but doing so is absolutely necessary for achieving long-term success in your career and maintaining healthy relationships with coworkers. A common way to build relationships with coworkers and understand the firm’s culture is by accepting invitations to social events, team lunches, and casual gatherings. However, situations like this call for a conscious effort to strike a balance between real self-expression and professional norms.  When you are new to an organization or when you get a reaction from a colleague or supervisor you did not expect, consider The Sandbox Analogy for Professional Relationships.

The Sandbox Analogy is simply remembering your childhood days of entering a sandbox with toys already in place.  Now, imagine stepping into a new workplace relationship like a child entering a sandbox for the first time. Those initial interactions—whether someone shares their toys, you move a toy to begin to play, or sand is thrown in your face—set the tone for everything that follows. The Sandbox Analogy reminds us that just as children must learn to communicate their needs and boundaries, adults in professional settings must establish clear rules of engagement from the start. It is also a reminder that communication is not always verbal.  Situational awareness is a crucial aspect to consider when working in a team.

When someone moves your shovel without asking, tension builds—not because the action itself was malicious, but because expectations weren’t properly communicated. Even as adults, many of us still lack the communication skills to clearly and calmly express our needs and boundaries. By visualizing professional relationships through this childhood lens, we can approach new collaborations with greater mindfulness, recognizing that those early moments of non-verbal interaction create patterns that can either nurture or hinder long-term professional success. Remember: understanding the “why” of things in a new or familiar workplace environment is essential to being curious and continuously learning about your colleagues.

• Understand your organization’s standards for conduct, dress, and conversation. Authenticity does not mean ignoring established norms—adjust your self-expression to fit the setting and audience.
• The X-Y Axis Framework for Decision Making: Imagine a decision-making roadmap where everyone knows exactly where they stand. That’s the power of the X-Y Axis Framework. This coordinate plane crystallizes decision authority. When I present this concept to leadership teams, I observe a sudden understanding of why previous collaborative efforts have either succeeded or failed. The magic happens when you explicitly state where on the responsibility spectrum a particular decision falls before the process begins.

• At point (0,0), you’re essentially telling your team, “This is entirely your decision—I’m stepping away completely.”
• At point (10,10), you’re saying, “I value your input, but ultimately, this decision rests with me.”

Imagine the relief on your team members’ faces when they know exactly what’s expected of them—whether they’re reviewing resumes for a lunch staff position they’ll ultimately select or simply providing input on qualities they’d like to see in their next director before exiting the process entirely. Mapping authority upfront prevents team members from feeling disappointed when they assume they have more decision power than intended.

For yourself, applying this framework helps you navigate organizational structures with greater clarity. When joining a new project, you can ask, “Where on the X-Y spectrum does my role fall for different decisions?” This simple question reveals volumes about organizational culture and your actual authority. For example, when I was asked about hiring for a new position, I understood I was at (3,8) for the selection—providing significant input but having limited final decision-making authority—which allowed me to contribute effectively without frustration when my recommendations did not appear to be considered. Understanding that there was more information that I was privy to than might have been shared This straightforward framework transforms potentially contentious situations into clear, productive collaborations where everyone understands their role from the start. It also encourages asking clarifying questions to understand both the information that was used and considered, as well as the reasons behind it. Furthermore, it addresses the omitted information and explains the rationale behind the choices made.

• Be authentic, but avoid sharing overly personal or sensitive details that may not be suitable for professional environments. Practice situational awareness—consider how, when, and with whom to share aspects of your personality or life.
• People generally dislike it when you “play” in their “sandbox.” Where the “toys” are placed may be of importance to someone. When you enter the sandbox, you must know the value of the toys before you can move them. You should be inquisitive and aware that you might not possess all the information. In a workplace culture, the person whose sandbox you are in also needs to help others understand the reasons behind their actions. However, not everyone has the skills or the awareness that they have not communicated their expectations. This principle also applies to you personally. It is important to communicate your “why,” your curiosity, and your standards.
• Embrace Vulnerability Wisely: Admitting mistakes and showing humility can build trust, but always demonstrate a willingness to grow and remain accountable. However, it is important to understand the relationship between you and the person you are sharing your vulnerability with. Strong workplace relationships and alliances reduce stress, increase resilience, and support mental health. Employees with allies are better equipped to navigate challenges, combat imposter syndrome, and maintain motivation.
• Finding someone you can trust is the most valuable step. A reliable confidant who can act as a sounding board and offer candid criticism is priceless in any work environment and at any level of the organization. This person can help you reframe your ideas and promote the use of “I statements.” The individual can assist you in determining what motivates your supervisor or coworker and provide you with objective insight. It is helpful to think about what motivates other people, and your office ally might aid you in distilling the core of a problem into a message that you can communicate as effectively as possible. Finding someone you can truly trust and who can be an honest, unbiased thought partner is important.

• Emphasize Mutual Respect: Show genuine interest in others, listen actively, and avoid dominating conversations with personal stories or opinions.
• It is important to establish boundaries around relationships with co-workers, supervisors, and subordinates, which is crucial for both workplace professionalism and your own career well-being.
• Know your own limits and respect others’ boundaries. For example, be mindful of physical and conversational boundaries (e.g., personal space, privacy, and topics discussed in social settings).
• If uncomfortable, politely decline or redirect conversations to suitable professional topics.
• You can set clear boundaries around workplace friendships and “romance” using humor, professionalism, or both. Doing so protects all parties and the organization. When humor is used wisely and in good taste, it keeps things light; when professionalism is needed, it ensures everyone understands the rules and their importance.

• Express your viewpoints honestly, but always strive for respect and clarity. Constructive, tactful communication builds trust and supports healthy relationships, especially when expressing dissenting opinions or constructive feedback.
• Solicit Feedback: Ask trusted colleagues or mentors how you’re perceived in social settings, and be open to adjusting your approach.

• In conversations and contributions, emphasize stories or insights that bring value to others or the organization rather than focusing solely on personal experiences or preferences.
• Practice Mindful Self-Awareness: Regularly reflect on your values, motivations, and behavior to ensure you’re showing up authentically, but within the bounds of professionalism and situational context.

• In unfamiliar settings, observe how others interact, approach topics, and set boundaries. If you’re uncertain, prioritize professionalism as you become familiar with the team’s cultural rhythms.

• Use Social Gatherings to Build Positive Networks: Focus on learning about colleagues, discovering common interests, and finding ways to contribute to your team’s goals instead of seeking personal affirmation. Strong workplace relationships and alliances reduce stress, increase resilience, and support mental health. Employees with allies are better equipped to navigate challenges, combat imposter syndrome, and maintain motivation.
  • Casual work events are still professional environments. Avoid gossip, negative talk, or controversial subjects unless you’re certain of the appropriateness and maturity of the group.
  • If alcohol or other substances are offered or served, they may be consumed only after carefully weighing the risks and rewards to your relationships with your colleagues. Before attending any work-related function, you need to have decided what and how much you will consume. Moderate consumption may be regarded as appropriate; nonetheless, you should be aware of what is not acceptable. Know that if consumption, even perceived consumption, causes poor judgment or behavior, your work life is unlikely to continue without significant consequences.

Professionalism and authenticity are not opposites—they’re complementary. By respecting boundaries, being curious, being aware of context, and leading with your values and self-respect, you can strengthen relationships and be regarded as reliable, approachable, and genuine throughout your career.

© 2025 Mary Ellen Normen. All Rights Reserved